Menopause is an asshole…. In the past…I might have said “Ladies Only”…but I think both men and women should hear me out…not sure why this is such a forbidden topic…seriously why is it such taboo? I was talking with the oldest cub today and telling her how upset I was that no one prepared me for menopause….they all prepare you for your 1st period…with books and classes and videos…but NO ONE talks about menopause….WTF is up with that? Give me a god damn cartoon, or better yet, a hot video, with a bottle of wine and explain this shit to me already! (And please let it be a handsome Scotsman in a kilt explaining it ) The ONLY thing I knew about menopause was hot flashes….that’s it….and there is SOOOOOOO much more…so here is my mini lesson on what to expect…MY version lol…FYI…I am in this journey extremely young….the whole thing started at around age 40…most women are 50+ before they even start….anyway…here we go… 1) Really bizarre periods…..(stay with me gentlemen)….but let’s just say I went from bleeding enough to fill a battlefield every 3wks…to nothing….and HALLELUJAH praise all Gods, for the nothing (aka the reward)!!!!!! 2) All the places that you normally have to shave all the time…all of a sudden become sparse….all the places you NEVER had to shave become abundant…leg hair, armpit hair, pubic hair, all dies down….chin hair, nose hair, mustache hair all go bonkers….I am a natural blonde, but I can still see those fuckers! It’s like we become more manly…more on that later 3)SEX..Ok some women experience a severe lack in sex drive….and their bodies just do not respond the same…and others have the opposite effect….where we transform into the equivalent of a 19yr old male….that’s all I will say on this… 4) Itchy…..for some reason we itch….I thought i was turning into a monkey with fleas….nope…fucking menopause…again, no one tells you this 5) NGAFS- This is the most drastic of symptoms for me…”Not Giving A Fuck Syndrome”…there is a definite shift in attitude….think about it….think about the older women you know….something changes and all of a sudden you become a badass…you don;t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about you anymore…you speak your mind…WITH CONFIDENCE 6) Last one for now…you get fat…you get what I call the menopause pregnancy….a big ole belly….I am struggling with this, as I have always had a very athletic, slim build….so if we enjoy wine and good food, we have to take drastic measures…like exercising (barf) to maintain a shape…this is the one that pisses me off the most….BEFORE i could eat, drink whatever i wanted and never gain a pound…hell i had 4 kids and still had a smokin bod….menopause creeps up like a fucking fat monger….asshole…it’s not your fault…I believe it is natures way of making you NOT sexy anymore so all the boys don’t want to knock you up, like they did when you were in your prime at age 20… HUGE kudos if you read of all of this (especially the gentelemen)… hopefully I have shed some light on what no one wants to talk about…Menopause is an asshole…big belly and chin hairs…like THAT is gonna get me laid…lmao! (I’m actually all good in that dept…just sayin..)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on June 21, 2017 by islandjenn

TODAY STORY: Costco, final goodbye, terrifying monster, and falling

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on September 27, 2013 by islandjenn

Costco- Do you know how thoroughly depressing it is to go and only be able to buy the things on your list? WOW! Thanks for having lots of cool shit I can’t afford Costco! Dog food, cat food, coffee & salsa….stuck to my list even though I felt like grabbing every other thing I saw. See that lovely sweater? What about those nummy looking dips? Or how about all the jazzy Xmas stuff? OMG!!! the Canon 70D?!?!?!?!?!?!? $1499….OMG!!!! I need new gear so bad!!!! Yeah…it was tough just getting my pathetic purchases,every exciting little morsel I found, left me with this face…


Final Goodbye- My 15yr old senior citizen persian “Chester”, passed away a couple of weeks ago. Today I finally removed his litter box, food dish, and swept his fur up off my bedroom floor. That wasn’t easy, but it was time. As stupid as it sounds, by leaving it, it felt like he was still there. R.I.P. Chester I miss you old man.



Terrifying Monster & Falling- My daughter and I decided to go for a walk at Ebeys Landing (beach with steep bluff you can hike up and then look out over the water on). On the trail hiking up to it, something very bizarre and terrifying happened. As we were walking, I noticed a terrifying monster! Of course I screamed appropriately, which in turn scared the crap out of my daughter, who then froze yelling “OMG WHAT??!!!??”…for some bizarre reason, my brain processed this as a monster…I shit you not.


this scary little bugger let me get this close…it was just chillin…my scream didn’t even phase it!


Falling- Daughter and I start the hike up the bluff….there has been lots of teasing lately because I may, or may not be, a little clumsy at times. This was our first hike since spraining my ankle weeks ago. So my daughter says, “I’m going to walk behind you Mom, you know….in case  you fall ….OMG I’M FALLING!!!!!!”…she literally started to trip as she was razzing me!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Wait….is it wrong that I laughed? When we got to the top, we sat on our “thinking bench” and enjoyed this view. For a full year now, this has become our special place to think/talk.


PS. I’m still unemployed… (someone hire me dammit!!!)…and still very much in love =)

NO WORK STORY: ………….but definitely a WISHBOX STORY

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on September 20, 2013 by islandjenn

After working for a year at the Coupeville Liquor Store, its doors closed for the last time and I am officially unemployed. Single Mom…unemployed….go me!!! I have applied to several jobs, none of which are panning out. This of course, has me in “Oh Shit, WTF am I gonna do?” mode. Life has an odd sense of humor. I am still here wondering what the universe has planned for me. The words I have heard so often, “You’ll find something, it will all work out…”…are becoming redundant, and they sure as hell don’t pay the bills or put food on the table.

Despite the strife, stress etc….I refuse to give up…not like I really have a choice, right? And I am still smiling =D I am actually happier now, than I have ever been, and yet I am struggling the most. Funny how that works. I’m thinking positive thoughts, and actively looking for another job….HIRE ME!!!!!!…..(that was my attempt at a subliminal message)

On a personal note, I am in love. Yep, I said it. Head over heels, batshit crazy, deeply, deeply in love. It’s scary as hell sometimes and yet the most amazing thing I have ever felt. It is not a “crush” or infatuation…it’s the real thing, holy moly is there ever a difference!!! I can honestly say I have never felt this way. EVER. So if I am all school girl stupid, you know why. All those love  songs that made me wanna barf? Yeah, now they make perfect sense!

My whole life was spent believing in fairy tales, wishing, hoping, waiting. At some point I decided it was all a bunch of BS. I was  sad that something I had believed in for so long, was all a joke, one big miserable joke. After my divorce, my best friend Annie gave me something and it changed everything. It was a wish box. Inside, is a tiny piece of paper that you write your wish on. I wrote, “I wish for true love.”…what the hell, it couldn’t hurt, one last morsel of hope, why not. A year later, that little wish box successfully granted mine. Like WOW! This may sound arrogant, it’s not meant to be….but I truly thought there was no way I would ever fall in love with someone who matched my wit, intelligence, sense of humor or who was as big of a smartass as I am, not to mention goofy as hell. I was wrong.

Thank you Annie….thank you for gently encouraging me to believe again. That little wish box changed my life.

Thank you wish box.Image




WORK STORY- Interesting…..

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 16, 2013 by islandjenn

Prelude- I severely sprained my ankle the other night…

WORK STORY: holy hell did I ever make some interesting observations on human behavior today!!! The scenario was  me at work on crutches fumbling around like an idiot…here are the things I noticed…and then really funny bit at the end…I seriously sounded like a broken record so I started making up shit (skydiving, shark attack, line dancing mis-hap, gymnastic routine gone wrong, you get the idea…)

1) People are curious(all people)…they see you injured and wanna know WTF happened…despite already knowing the answer, which is “I obviously have an owie”…they want details ….

2) SOME people and I might add…NOT VERY MANY (the select few)…observed that i was injured… grabbed their own bags and put their purchases in them, moved their goodies closer to me so it was easier to scan,  asked if they could help around the store…these were also the smartass customers joking and teasing me…seriously making fun of me and yet doing everything they could to make it easier on me…(and yes i love them for that)

3) Another set were genuinely concerned/curious, and wished me the best  to get better…no joking or helping…(the majority)

4) Final set(more than the select few who gave a shit).. observed i was on crutches and actually got quite irritated that I was not moving quick enough…one lady was genuinely pissed off that I would not carry her 4 bottles of wine out to her car for her…yes i spoil my customers sometimes…but wow…her: “I need you to take these out to the car for me “…me: “I am so sorry but I can barely move behind the counter, don’t want to break your goodies!”…tried laughing it off…she was not amused…and said “I guess I have to do it myself then”…WTF really?…another customer made a big purchase and clearly saw me struggling to hold the bag and place bottles into it, on one leg…they just stood there huffing and puffing like I wasn’t working quick enough…

OBSERVATION: There are people in this world who want to know your business, not because they care, but because they curious, so they have something to talk about.

There are others who see your pain and not only do they help you, they do everything they can to cheer you up and make it better for you, they genuinely give a shit. They will bend over backwards to make it better.

And then there are those who despite seeing you struggle, still want to be served…they don’t see anything beyond themselves. These people are the ones who think/believe that they are paying your wage…so bow down, injured or not, and PROVIDE. This can be applied to friends and family too. Basically it’s the “Sorry…don’t give a flying f*ck  what you are going through…give me what I need…now.”

I have had the curious ones in my life and I have had the ones demanding to be served. I have been smart enough to surround myself with the ones who tease the shit out of me…but care.

Funny bit as promised…2 customers in store

Customer #1- “What the hell happened to you?”
Me (looking at customer #2)- “I kicked his ass with this foot….”
Customer #1- “And it got stuck?”
Customer #2- “Yep!!!”

All 3 of us laughed our asses off!!!!

My man came in early so he could give me a ride home…he sat patiently while I worked , but then he started handing me bags, grabbing things I needed…he helped me without me ever asking…he says I am stubborn because I do not like asking for help…it was hard to let him…but it was nice =)

WORK STORY: I was blessed today (no…really… like for real), Customers saved me from “el creepo” and a touching “Roxy” moment

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on July 26, 2013 by islandjenn

Got Blessed Today- Still stressing about finding another job, but not giving up. A priest walks up to the counter…(and NO this is not the beginning of a joke lol)…he purchases a jar of pickled onions and says, ” I’m sorry to hear about the store closing, what’s everyone going to do?”..I reply, “Yeah I’m sorry too. Pam is going to retire and focus on her golfing and Heidi is going to focus on her other business and farm. I’m a single Mom, so I am on the hunt for another job.”…he smiles and says , “Well…I bless you in your search for a new job. You will find one, it may not be what you’re expecting, but you will.” And he blessed me. I found out his name was Father Paul. Thank you Father Paul, I appreciate any blessings offered.

El Creepo…DENIED by my own body guards!- I have mentioned some of the creepy things this guys says in previous blogs. (not mario) He is constantly making weird and inappropriate comments that start out as innocent compliments. Saw him pull in and instantly my gut turned. This time I had my delivery guy there and another one of my favorite customers who gets his smokes at the store. Both were ready to leave. I asked them to stay. They agreed. Delivery guy is like 6ft5 and stood on one side of the counter, and customer is a big tough dude and he stood on other side. So el creepo had to go in the middle LOL! El Creepo says, “I saw you and your sister at the grocery store yesterday, you were both looking mighty fine.”….me- “That was not my sister, it was my 14yr old daughter.”….El Creepo just smiles staring at me…bodyguards inch in a little closer, sandwiching him in…lol… obviously making el creepo feel uncomfortable, so he leaves….YES!!!!! After he left, I gave them both HUGE thanks! I am very comfortable handling myself, but it was nice this time to have 2 big dudes helping me out. They both said the same thing after…”That was creepy!”…hence the name El Creepo!

Roxy Moment- So there I was hanging out with Roxy and it kind of hit me. The store is closing in September. No more Roxy time…no more work stories (at least from here) more favorite customers …Roxy was in my lap and a single tear dropped. I swear before it hit the floor, she was kissing me like crazy. I told my boss she has become my little therapy dog. She went all silly batshit crazy, kissing me and trying to make me laugh. I swear if there was any snot in my nose , she got it all from her full on facial kissing attack. That precious girl felt my sadness and refused to let me cry. The pic is blurry because hey,… it ain’t easy taking a selfie  trying not to cry, with a dog attacking you with love. Yes there are tears in my eyes..who takes a pic of that? Me…i fucking do…because I wanted to remember that moment.


Get home and see this….really ? Hey …I have an idea…let’s park on the sidewalk in front of this persons house and sit here for an hour or more…pedestrians don’t need sidewalks…hell no…sidewalks are for full size trucks!!!! Friggin moron!!!


WORK STORY: White Deer (thank you universe)…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 21, 2013 by islandjenn

I’m in a very scary place right now (for me anyway). My job will be ending soon due to the store having to close. Not gonna lie, I have been stressin every second wondering how the hell I am going to find another job, I am a single Mom in full on survival mode here. I won’t make it monthly even if I collect unemployment. BRAIN is saying MUST FIND JOB!!! When I was first looking for work a year ago, I was willing to take anything. Now I have realized I need to find a job with benefits and that can cover all my living expenses. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!…yeah right…good luck with that…i know…anyway…enough of my whining….I do have one lead…fingers crossed because it might actually be THAT job! Crazy thing is, it’s one of my favorite customers who told me about it, and I would be working with her!!! So I have a pretty good “in” I hope.

I just happened to look out the window at work today and saw this!!!


walked right through the parking lot!!! Did a bit of research on the meaning (native american) of seeing a white deer…this is what I found

“The fact that you were able to see this very powerful sign – the white deer – is a message that you are on a path of growth and expansion that will lead you in a direction beyond your wildest dreams.  The message of the white deer is one of “get ready.” “

I’m ready….


WORK STORY: Mario Strikes AGAIN!…Work Injury…and Making customers laugh their ass off

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on July 20, 2013 by islandjenn

Mario Strikes Again!- Ok the guy I said looks like living version of Mario from Nintendo? Yeah…he tried a new approach tonight…”That’s a beautiful dress”…me- “Thank you”…him- “And you look even better in it.”…me “Thank you”…him-“No, really…you look really hot in it.”“Thank you again…where are you gong with this?”…walks out of store tail between legs…LMAO! Am I too mean?

Work Injury- I stapled my thumb…yeah that’s right…i f*cking stapled my thumb!!! Stapler was broken…tried fixing it…apparently sending a staple right through your thumb fixes it…your welcome boss…lol

Making Customers Laugh- First my dear,dear friend comes in and I ended up having her in tears, hell…she even made a post on facebook about starting a blog about how i make her laugh…that’s a good thing…right?

Group comes in…we have a deep discussion about the store closing…i make a few jokes, we talk politics for a bit…one of the guys makes a joke about being a husband for NINE years…his in-laws pipe in and say  “We are at 47 years…”…I pipe in and say “HEY!!! I am 1 yr single…go mee!!!!…they giggle…I had previously explained that I am scared as a single Mom…explaining the worries of a single Mom etc…she says…” Well it’s obvious you have a beautiful personality…”…I interrupt her mid-sentence by slapping my hands on the counter and saying…  “I KNOW RIGHT??!?!?!?!?!”…omg…they all started belly laughing…..but then they all gave me the courage and confidence saying ,”You will do just fine”…so yeah…I made them belly laugh and it was awesome!!!! Cuz if you can’t belly laugh when times are tough…well then….you need to learn how